She fights for the common man and even woman. She spits in the face of rabid spin doctors like Katie Couric, Charlie Gibson, and Tina Fey, the doppelganger of doom. Sarah Palin is a winner through and through.
Sarah Palin has released the title of her new memoir Going Rogue: An American Life. So simple. So elegant. The former Alaska governor and current Republican boon finished the 400-page sure-fire fall bestseller in four months. It is set to hit bookstores (in hardcovers as thick as her resolve) on November 17!
This is great news. We knew Sarah had work ethic, but to finish such a long book months before a deadline is amazing. 400 pages? Amazing. I know people who haven’t even read books that long. Let’s put that number in context. Consider the age of the Earth. Now imagine you had to spend one year per each page of Sarah’s memoir. So how much of God’s given time would you spend reading about Sarah’s life?
So it’s pretty long and hard, yet in classic Palin-esque style, she still managed to pump it out in record time. Just think about it. She was a victim of Obama’s recession — she herself lost her job. She’s just like us; Sarah’s an everyman, only she wears lipstick (yet isn’t a transsexual). She fights for the common man and even woman. She spits in the face of rabid spin doctors like Katie Couric, Charlie Gibson, and Tina Fey, the doppelganger of doom. Sarah Palin is a winner through and through.
Let’s analyze Sarah’s choice of memoir title, Going Rogue: An American Life. Of course, it’s genius; there is a powerful holistic synergy of these five simple words adorning her covers. We can’t pretend to be able to fully understand the title , but let’s try our best word-for-word:
Going: Well, Sarah has already proven herself a maverick by her unsurpassed enthusiasm for oil drilling, her unmatched communication skills at monster truck rallies, and her unique perspective on Bering Sea geography. She is much better at burning bridges (hint hint) than she is at building them, and that’s a quality that’s quite rare in politicians today. Don’t even get me started about Trig. It takes courage to bring your disabled child with you when there are assassins both literally and figuratively lurking in the darkest corners of our evil world.
The addition of the suffix -ing could mean two things. Yeah, it could just be a past participle referring to the past. But it could also mean that she will be even more out-of-the-box in the future! Could this be a hint that she will be running for PRESIDENT in 2012?! Golly, I would keel over in an orgasm of political satisfaction and roll around on the most grime-filled road for a full five minutes if Sarah decided to run with the same passion and sincerity we have all come to expect from her throughout these months. You have my word on that.
Rogue: Hey, so the second word of her title shines new light on the situation. She has been an outsider all her life, and she will continue to be an outsider in the years to come! Either that, or, according to Merriam-Webster, she’s a hitchhiking vagrant. That would certainly explain her college years, moving from institution to institution with such gentle conviction.
An: The separation of the title by a colon really suggests sophistication on your part, Sarah. It was a great move! That’ll fool those elitist egghead liberal readers. Adding the “an” really solidifies that effect. If you had gone with Going Rogue American Life, we would still understand you, Sarah, but it just wouldn’t be the same.
American: I argue it’s the most important part of the whole title, and heck, maybe even the whole book. It should be called Going Rogue: An AMERICAN Life, because in the grand scheme of things, it doesn’t matter if she’s a maverick who speaks for the oppressed with every breath and does God’s work with every step — if she isn’t a red-blooded American, she wouldn’t matter to me or to her 400 million supporters. And we thank God everyday that she is. She would do a much better job than Obama of leading OUR nation with her innate wisdom on domestic and foreign affairs. She would plow her way through the snow of our economic troubles (the so-called “recession’). She would also be a much more effective commander-in-chief than Barry because soldiers couldn’t escape duty by challenging the legitimacy of her presidency. She would be TOUGH on terror; if she could manage the Terrible Twos five times over, she could take this on in a jiffy.
Unlike SOME people, she was born in this great country and understands our core values as she knows the difference between being a real American and being the other kind. Unlike SOME people, her spouse was never involved in anti-government separatist (AKA terrorist) groups. Unlike SOME people, she doesn’t pal around with mean people who don’t care about our collective future. I’m just saying. America is the greatest country in the land, and it’s only fitting to have a tribute to it in the title of what could be the most important book of the next thirty years.
Life: Alas, the final word really ends it beautifully. Life is such a wonderful thing. From the pretty little hands of a business executive to the hustle-and-bustle of an Alaskan toddler, life makes the world go round and round. Sarah respects ALL life, no matter if it’s the fetus hiding out in the cavernous womb or the American soldier hiding out in an Iraqi cave.
It’s all the same to her. And elected or not, she is our leader, the best representative of life in America. This memoir title decision is only the first of what will prove to be a hailstorm of great decisions by our promising pit-bull-soccer-mom-stegosaurus politician called Palin. Go Sarah! The nation deserves you! This memoir will set up your run really well! Keep tweeting! 2012 all the way!